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  • Sarah

T-Minus 13 - Holding It Together

I think I've been doing a good job with that.

Except for the night after visiting gong gong and I wept sorrowfully on the floor next to Lexus. I think that was exactly what I needed. A fucking good cry, the sort that leaves your shoulders bouncing, heaving out those heavy sobs and mucus dripping out your nose. It came unexpectedly, which I think scared Gabe, because not only did he come out of the room to find me in the darkness, he was told to 'leave me alone'. Which I rarely opt for, since people comfort me. (I sound like a pet dog).

But right after that, I felt alright. I felt back to normal, like life goes on, and yes it does. Have I just mastered the way to managing emotions? Or am I still in the mode of 'coping' and it would all hit me once we get to the last night at the airport or on the plane. Likely the latter as I've just found out from a friend is scientifically proven.

I'm no ted-talk expert or 'queen of self-care' (that my sister calls me) but over the past two years, I'd come to better understand my fears, attachments and how they moved and presented themselves in my mind.

Having yoga, prayer-life and headspace meditation is helpful in getting me to where I am with acknowledging feelings and having more awareness. Just yesterday, on session 9 of Headspace (let me know if you need a referral code), on a course called 'Leaving Home', Andy, my guide, talked about how most of our attention have been about the challenges of this transition of leaving home, but hopefully alongside all the challenges, there is a genuine sense of excitement, anticipation, and maybe even appreciation.

I think it's really hard when we're in the middle of quite a stressful transition to really appreciate what's going on but this opportunity to relocate, it's a really fortunate position to be in. It's a position that few people in the world actually have.

So as much as possible, kind of remembering that, not in a way to give ourselves a hard time, when we're getting stressed about stuff, but just to remember, like however difficult this is, this is actually an amazing opportunity.

When I focus a little more on that sense of appreciation, then more often than not, I tend to forget some of the more challenging aspects of the move. Keeping that idea of appreciation and gratefulness in my mind...helps.

I recognise that I'm saying this now...being all forward-looking and positive, but there's a possibility that this mental tactic might all go to shits when I get there.

Preparation is Gabe's forte. He has joined Facebook groups,"Singaporeans in Sydney" and "Australians in Quarantine" and could probably predict a life in Australia and its quarantine. Come on, he even has a 'rolling bucket list' drawn up!

Me? I'm like "please don't tell me, I don't wish to know" not because I don't care, but I know it'd freak me out and this is my way of dealing with it. I can get myself as ready as I could and if disaster struck while we're out there, I'd figure it out along the way. I'm a "deal-with-it-as-it-comes' kind of gal y'know? *flicks hair*

After all, this whole journey is about unlocking parts of yourself that you never even knew existed and getting schooled on 'life lessons' isn't it.

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