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T-minus 17 - Stressors

What stresses me out the most about leaving is not, not being able to find a good bowl of meepok or a group of friends or even a job. It’s knowing that I am going to miss out on very important occasions.


Close friends and family would know that my grandparents are not doing great. That’s kind of expected of a 95 and 89 year-old. But what’s not expected is them both hurting at the same time, one down with cancer and losing himself, the other with falls too many to count.


I’m only starting to realise that having both grandparents around at my age is also quite rare, and while it’s been a good thing having known them for most of my life, losing them is agonising.


Is it selfish and so wrong to say, it hurts less if you never knew them? But we all know the answer to that.


Speaking about the occasions we might miss,


Very important occasion #1

Grandparents funeral (let’s face it, it will happen)

Would I be able to live down the fact that I might miss being physically there with family, for family?


Very important occasion #2

Birthdays. Of everyone close and special, including Lexus, Jude and Lexus. Did I say Lexus? yes, we can always make it home but this for examples’ sake.


Very important occasion #3

Your best friend’s wedding. I don’t know yet how this is turning out but seems likely to happen when we’re not around, and same goes for another couple we know who is getting married end year. Finally! Did you have to wait until we’re leaving?


Very important occasion #4

Missing out on good years (?) with our nephews and nieces. I hope they won’t forget us! Or grow so big I’d have to say the auntie thing of “wah so big already ah”.


I guess this entry is brought about by the fact that I just visited a good friend warded in the hospital. Diagnosis - rare leukaemia. I’ve only managed to visit him twice and it pains me to see what he’s going through. It also hits close to home, having had my cancer scare too. Living with this at the back of my head, and seeing it play out in front of my eyes (at the expense of a friend) does nothing to help put my heart at ease.


So between joking about him looking like a druggie (disguised by cancer), and seriously discussing the foods to have when he’s out, I took his advise and scheduled myself in for a full body check, which I did this morning and found out a few things...


  1. I am not protected from cervical cancer

  2. I did not realise a vaccine for that exists

  3. I am not going to make it in time here to get the three doses required

  4. People I know did it before they were 30 (rightfully before 26 for full efficacy)

  5. No one bothered to tell me.

Which was the first thing I did since I learnt about it. THANKS, FRIENDS, AND GWEN.


Talk about having more things to do! Add to list: submit a stool and urine sample. Hee. Bottom line is, if there’s something (pray not), it’s always better to know and know it early, so that we can do something about it.


Knowing you could have done something, and missed the chance, now that, is the ultimate regret. And I don’t do regrets. Least not till this point in my life and I don’t wish to start. Re - stressors. Re - agonising.


Now what all of the above occasions have in common is that not one of them is going to be replaceable. Moments once lost can never return. Ok, stop being so dramatic, Sarah. I’m just going to be accepting of the circumstances and live with these facts.


Would you tell me otherwise?

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